V0Y3UR

YET ANOTHER LIFE HAS ENDED, AND A NEW LIFE WRITHES IN INFANCY. MAY
THIS NEWFOUND, RENEWED VIGOR TAKE ME TO THE GREATEST OF HEIGHTS.

Life as I know it is on somewhat of an upturn. A longtime friend of mine has taken on a greater meaning to me and I couldn't be happier. The distance between us is undoubtedly difficult but what I have with her is something tangible, not some nebulous, fantastical, facade. Something like this, something based more on a sturdier relationship, friendship, is something I've sought for a long time. There's no one else to blame, asides for myself in thinking I could break free of that desire. Foolish, trying to find some heart outside of someone I truly knew to clutch on to. People may say that it's not good to be involved so intimately with a friend, that there is great merit in going and exploring the world, finding people, bla, bla, bla but that's jsut not my spiel. With what I have right now, I bear a great hope and am very confident in where this love will take me.

For those of you who appreciate my work, who through some strange rationale or other think that my stuff is worth even a glance, I give my sincerest apologies for not having done in so long, or having posted anything in this lengthy duration. Uninspired, worn, lethargic are but a few excuses or reasons I could give. Don't fret your sweet little hearts though, for I'll post stuff. Reviewing the meager body of my works, I've found that my earlier submissions were my favorites. There definitely be a cutting of some photographic-fat sometime soon. Worry not my dearies for soon afterwards, I shall submit new, hopefully better works. With that, I bid thee adieu and farewell.

I realize that it's been quite an extended length of time since I last submitted anything here. Things have been tumultuous for a bit and I'm still trying to grab at what bits of organization and order that I can. I just don't want to throw in some random piece up here. I appreciate those of you who appreciate what I have here and want you all to understand that your attention means a lot to me...

Good morrow all. Happy Valentines Day to those who are fortunate enough to have a Valentine. I'm not so fortunate but 'tis fine. It's not very encouraging to have had a bad dream about the last person that came across your life and obliterated it by meddling with your heart but I'm making due. It's but another portion of my life.
Last night, I had a mini-movie screening, watching trailer after trailer of upcoming movies on the Apple Quicktime website. You should all make an event of that sometime, it's quite enjoyable. Ha, I'm so lame. I guess only someone as bored and lethargic as I could come to watching that and making it my night's entertainment!

Looking around my room, I seem to realize that these bits and pieces of material possession are the only tangible part of my existence right now; the only proof that I've done anything and even that's not much. The  computer I have in front of me, the amplifier and guitar to my right, the camera to my left, all these things are all that I've long sought and I now have them but I can't help but feel that there's so much missing. I lack any real sense of accomplishment. I'm stifled once again. All the menial things I do at work merely worsen my situation. nothing seems to make it any better. This situation isn't too far from how my life was before, at home with my parents but at least I had that support, that love. Asides that, there were friends, oh so close. As always, just as any "normal" human would, I took for granted all that was around me and was audacious to despise them. I miss Los Angeles. Yes it was a wretched place to live but it was my wretched place. You can't argue against that, wherever home is, that's just where your heart belongs. There are those who may beg to differ but once you're away from it, you soon begin to miss the familiarity, the comfort of being able to seek sanctuary where there are those close by. I find this especially true of my parents who are the epitomy of unconditional love. I wonder if I could ever have such patience and compassion for my children, if ever I have any...

...Back to these material posessions; all of which are mere remnants of home. Though I try to tell myself that I'm original and distinct from my parents, I find that many of my mannerisms, thought processes, preferences are in some way tied to them. Sickening how I seek solace in the material, really. I want love, real love, the unconditional kind, the kind that makes you sick to your stomach, makes you feel weightless, makes the bleakest of days seem like the most spectacular....... I want what no currency can buy...

...I fear that I may ultimately die alone.

[IMAGE BY | BITTERTASTE

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